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10 Time-Defending Responses

Being busy is not the same as being productive.

If you examine your day you’ll notice that 80% of your time is being filled with low-return activities.

To prevent your time from being eroded by low-value activities you need to say ‘no’ more often. However, saying ‘no’ can damage a personal relationship.

Here are 10 responses you can use to defend against incoming requests and protect your time – WITHOUT damaging relationships.

  1. “If I say yes to this, I’ll be saying no to ___”

    • Works well when asked to make large time commitments: “Unfortunately if I say yes to this project, I’ll being saying no to my __(health, family, etc.)__, and I am not willing to do that at this time.”

  2. “No for now, but I’ll let you know if something changes.”

    • You leave the person with a feeling of hope and make less likely to persist with the request.
    • Your response isn’t a lie because if circumstances do change you might want to accept their request.
    • This is a great default response to avoid taking on too much but still leaving your options open.

  3. The graceful “No”:

    • Start with warmth: “Thank you for your consideration.”
    • Continue with your Yes: “I am currently committed to …” (goal, project or appointment)
    • Follow-up with your No: “Because of this I need to decline.”
    • End with warmth: “I wish you all the best in finding someone else.”

  4. “Just so I understand, you want me to ____” (defending against ridiculous requests)

    • By rephrasing the request you force the person to see their request from a different perspective. This can help them see how unreasonable their request sounds. I use this response to defend against taking on impossible tasks.

  5. Anti-chitchat: “Hi ___, I’m in the middle of something, what did you want to talk about?”

    • Useful when someone ‘pops by your desk to chat’ and you need to work.
    • Useful when answering phones calls and avoid small talk (however, small talk can sometimes be beneficial to maintain a friendly relationship). 

  6. “Sorry I’m busy at the moment, but have you tried ___?”

    • Providing them with an alternative is a great way to turn down a request and not damage the relationship.
    • A similar response might be: “I’m too busy to do that right now, but I can’t give you with the following resources: ___”

  7. “Due to my high workload, I must decline.”

    • Works well when asked to take on too much work: “Due to a high workload, I am unable to take on new projects at this time. I will have more availability after ___”
    • Works well as an email auto-responder and reduce the amount of time you spend in your inbox: “Due to a high workload, I am only responding to emails between 4pm-5pm. If it’s an emergency please call my cell at 333-333-3333.”
    • Also works well as a voicemail greeting: “Due to a high workload, I am only responding to messages between 4pm-5pm. If it’s an emergency please call my cell at 333-333-3333.”

  8. “Sorry, I have another commitment.”

    • Know your commitments in advance. Review your weekly calendar each morning and whenever you receive a request.
    • It is OK to use this response when you have a personal commitment that isn’t on your calendar. This includes time to simply rest and recover.

  9. “I don’t do ____” (avoid using “I can’t…” or “I shouldn’t…”)

    • “I don’t” is a hard and fast personal rule that people interpret as being part of your identity. Therefore, people are less likely to talk you into accepting the request.
    • An alternative form: “I have rule: I don’t ___”.
    • Great for turning down undesirable social events: “Sorry I don’t go out on Monday’s” or “Sorry I don’t do carnivals.”
    • Saying “I can’t” usually means your lying – saying that you can’t go somewhere often means you don’t feel like going somewhere. People will interpret your “I can’ts” as misleading statements and lose respect for you.
    • Saying “I shouldn’t” leaves your response open for debate. When you say “I shouldn’t eat ice cream” the person offering you the ice cream will likely persist and give you a few good reasons to eat it (“it’s delicious!”), causing you to eventually say yes and later regret it.

  10. Long pause. Think. Then respond: “Unfortunately I need to say no”

    • This response makes the requester believe that you’ve seriously considered their request. Your delayed leaves them feeling less rejected and less likely to talk you into accepting the request.